1 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:07,716 Oh, man. You guys missed a great party last week. 2 00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:11,345 [Burps] 3 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,223 - Say hello to your new foster family. - You're one of five wives? 4 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,433 - Married to a dude named Clyde? - Who's 65? 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,769 Would it be all right if my son Jonah came to visit? 6 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,563 Keep laughing. I will slit your throat while you sleep. 7 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,900 - Shoplifting is out of hand. - Ian: You have to stand up to him. 8 00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,777 Tried that once with his father. 9 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,404 No, hold it like you wanna do something with it. 10 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,449 - Ian: Again? - What was I supposed to do? Shoot? 11 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:35,536 No touching the forbidden fruit until I'm knocked up. 12 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,162 Ian: Slept with someone. Not Kash. 13 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,291 - This was like a Booty call. - Mickey: Whatever. 14 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,876 Steve got a text from Candace. Is he dating someone else? 15 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,461 Who the fuck is Candace? 16 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,421 We work together. That's all. 17 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,549 Steve: I'm home. Charles: Little brother! 18 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,467 Woman: Hey, you. 19 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,046 Debbie: Okay, but you gotta promise. 20 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:12,716 Okay, I promise. I won't tell Fiona. Now, whose house is this? 21 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,217 I'm not sure. 22 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,220 Veronica: What the hell are we doing here? 23 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,556 Trying to find out if Steve's cheating. 24 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,849 What? 25 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,727 Tell me that's not a woman's car parked out front. 26 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,732 Fiona is a big girl. 27 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:32,069 Fiona takes care of everyone, but no one takes care of Fiona. 28 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:36,073 Is this about Candace? Because Fiona knows about Candace. 29 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:39,534 She won't do anything. Too proud. So we have to. 30 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,995 You're a sweet kid, debs. 31 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,541 [Beatbullyz's "bounce" playing over speakers] 32 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,463 Hey, bounce, come on 33 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,299 bounce, come on bounce, come on, bounce 34 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,176 everybody, just bounce, come on 35 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,470 bounce, come on bounce, come on 36 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,263 bounce, bounce 37 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:05,060 I've just got this feeling about to lose control 38 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:09,231 did you purposefully order a sex on the beach so I'd say it to the gay bartender? 39 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,067 Maybe. Maybe I was hoping you'd actually take me away... 40 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,902 So we could have sex on a beach. 41 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,571 I could barely get you overnight in a local hotel. 42 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,573 Well, that was then. This is now. 43 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,618 I just feel like I haven't seen a lot of you lately. 44 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,913 You mean that you'd like to see more of me? 45 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,167 Yes. I guess that's what I'm saying. 46 00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,298 Usually by this time in a relationship... 47 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:39,428 Guy starts just showing up for Booty calls, or wants me to meet his mother. 48 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,888 Either way, I start looking for reasons to walk. 49 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,725 Well, my mom is in Michigan, so you don't have to worry. 50 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:48,145 I think that's the first time you've ever mentioned your family. 51 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,813 Really? 52 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,691 Not much to say. I mean... 53 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,943 They live in Michigan. 54 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,319 The whole state? 55 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,612 No. Near Detroit. 56 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:01,324 Uh, dad used to work for gm, so I try to send back what I can to help. 57 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,995 Family business. He builds them. You steal them. 58 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:06,913 Come on, let's dance. 59 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,127 Come on. 60 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,505 [Door opens] 61 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,092 Liam is officially asleep. 62 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,343 That was fast. 63 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:24,264 Yeah, well, three pages from Deb's eat pray love and he's out. 64 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,517 If James Franco wasn't in the movie, I would've nodded off too. 65 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,603 [Chuckles] 66 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:33,356 You got any cash you can float me? Florence and the machine are playing... 67 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,443 The Chicago theatre. I wanna take Karen for her birthday. 68 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,529 Pricey gift. Things getting serious? 69 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,491 Fuck off. She's my best friend. 70 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:46,244 Okay? You know I never spend that kind of cash on a girl anyway. 71 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,664 All right. Well, I got a Hamilton. It's yours. 72 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,124 Thanks, man. 73 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,335 [Liam crying] 74 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,212 Both: One, two, three. 75 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,925 Ethel: God bless Jonah, my sweet baby boy. 76 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,676 And god bless my husband, Clyde. 77 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:05,514 May those caring for him remind him to take his blood-pressure supplement... 78 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,974 And his glucosamine chondroitin supplement... 79 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,228 So that he can bend down to pick up our child. 80 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:14,189 God bless the other wives who are on their knees now... 81 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:18,109 - Asking you to bless me. - Separated from her kid. Gotta suck. 82 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:21,112 Hopefully, the visit with him tomorrow will cheer her up. 83 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,699 I'm kind of excited about it. Having a full house. Two kids. 84 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:28,829 Don't get too excited. It's only temporary. 85 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,455 Temporary, Kevin. 86 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,706 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Mm-hm. 87 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,376 Are you gonna put those in my ass? I'm not even gonna feel it. 88 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,920 They're earplugs, babe. And they're for her. 89 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,007 That would have sucked, trying to fish those out. 90 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,217 [Veronica laughs] 91 00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:58,984 Hey. 92 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,861 Hey. 93 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,114 Wakey, wakey, Jackie chan. 94 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,122 Who the fuck are you? 95 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,374 I'm frank. 96 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,128 Oh, my god. 97 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,880 Did we...? 98 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,381 [Chuckles] 99 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,886 Oh, now, now. 100 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,054 [Girl sobbing] 101 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,307 Chins up. 102 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,854 [Girl whimpering] 103 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,072 Karen: Fuck off. 104 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,408 How'd you know it was me? 105 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:52,746 I was talking to my promise makers group and I want you to know... 106 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:58,710 That I understand that so much of your bad behavior is my responsibility. 107 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,422 If you leave a dog in the house alone for more than eight hours... 108 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,508 You can't get mad at him for peeing the rug, right? 109 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,680 I found this in an album in the basement. 110 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,935 I don't know. 111 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:21,441 Maybe we can try to capture more moments like these together. 112 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,364 [Blow dryer whirring] 113 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:37,040 Fiona: Why is it that I feel like you can't get away from me fast enough? 114 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:41,169 - Ha-ha-ha! - Because you're paranoid. 115 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,673 What happened to that computer class you were gonna take? 116 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,592 They canceled it. Not enough people, I guess. 117 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,220 Liam's gonna be up. I gotta get him fed and dressed... 118 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:55,058 And to the clinic for some shots. Don't tell Jenny McCarthy. 119 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,309 Hey, debs. 120 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,686 Steve. 121 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,522 Liam up yet? 122 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:05,193 Squawking a little. So everything cool with, uh, you and Steve? 123 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,695 What? Why? 124 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,114 No reason. I'm just checking in. 125 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,421 Hi, baby bottoms. Did you have sweet dreams? 126 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,464 Steve: I thought I was baby bottoms. 127 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,676 No, I said you have a baby bottom. 128 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,971 I swore I would never date a guy whose ass was smaller than mine. 129 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:37,475 But I seem to be breaking a lot of my own rules lately, don't I? Don't I? 130 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,602 He's assuming that was rhetorical. 131 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,690 Hey, you wanna come by tonight after Liam's down? 132 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,942 V gave me a copy of queen of outer space. 133 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,194 Zsa zsa Gabor at her finest. 134 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,780 We could watch it. And not watch it. 135 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,408 Steve: I gotta go to work. Fiona: Okay. 136 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:56,286 Steve: Mm. Ahh. 137 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,538 Hey, Steve. 138 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,375 Debs, breakfast? 139 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,960 I'm good. 140 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,591 - Fiona: Breakfast! - Hey, can I get a ride to the library? 141 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,426 Motorcycle. No can do. 142 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,803 - When did you get a motorcycle? - Always had one. 143 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,097 I guess there's a lot I don't know about you. 144 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:20,226 Truth? I'm in the CIA and this is all just a cover. 145 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,068 Any calls, Kate? 146 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:32,906 Yeah, actually, some a-hole was looking for you. Left this number. 147 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,449 Hand me the phone, will you? 148 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:38,244 Your tab is bigger than my ass and you smell like kimchi and vomit. 149 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:42,040 Now, stop that. Your ass looks great. 150 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,292 Like you in the sack, make it quick. 151 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,503 I wasn't quick. I was just busy that day. 152 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,004 [Kate scoffs] 153 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,634 Lou [over phone]: Hello. 154 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:55,428 [In woman's voice] Yes. I have frank Gallagher calling. 155 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,014 Lou: Hey, Frankie. Got great news. 156 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,141 [In normal voice] Who the fuck is this? 157 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,810 Lou: Your settlement is in. 158 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,728 Yeah. Which one? 159 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,814 Lou: Yeah. Come see me. I'll give you the 411. 160 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,565 [Laughing] 161 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:11,486 Hey, everybody, next round's on me. 162 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,493 Debbie: Kev. Veronica. 163 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,829 Didn't you just clean that yesterday? 164 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:24,457 Child protective services is bringing my baby, Jonah, for a visit. 165 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,418 Everything has to be just so. 166 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,921 You're so lucky you have a baby. 167 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,422 How old are you? 168 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,550 Ten and a quarter. 169 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,386 Two more years and you'll be old enough to start trying. 170 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,556 Does it hurt? 171 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,891 Sexual relations or childbirth? 172 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,062 [Lip grunting] 173 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,189 Karen: He's such a douche bag. 174 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,817 He's on this whole father-daughter purity-ball kick. 175 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,069 Lip: Fuck! 176 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,738 Karen: He wants me to take a vow of celibacy... 177 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,616 So we can rekindle our father-daughter relationship. 178 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,327 Lip: Maybe we could not talk about your father right now. 179 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,334 Karen: Not what you had in mind for dirty talk? 180 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,081 Lip: Not exactly, no. Unh! 181 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,251 Karen: Fuck! 182 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,087 Oh, shit! 183 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,589 Shh! Carl's right outside. Shh! 184 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,258 Karen: Oh, fuck! Fuck! Lip: Fuck. 185 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,260 Karen: Oh, shit! Oh! 186 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:21,014 Lip: Shh! Shit! Karen: Keep going! 187 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,307 [Lip & Karen groaning] 188 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,355 Yes. Shatterproof, my ass. 189 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,276 [Both sighing] 190 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:43,620 Wanna go to the planetarium tonight and get high? 191 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,622 I can't. I'm busy. 192 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:49,459 - Karen: Doing what? Danielle? - Less you know, the better. 193 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,087 Are we still on for Friday night? 194 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,634 Can you give me a hint? 195 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,470 Yeah, but not gonna. 196 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,480 Crucial confrontations. 197 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,441 Haven't seen you here in a while. 198 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,318 Been kind of busy, Simon. 199 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,779 I got a signed first edition of Harry Potter. 200 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,448 Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. 201 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,784 And now with all those kid actors grown up... 202 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,578 They're scarier looking than the villains. 203 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,665 Hey, can you help me on the computers? 204 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,250 What do you wanna do? 205 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,834 Dig up some dirt. 206 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,253 Name? 207 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,464 Steve. Wilson? Wilton? 208 00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:39,300 You need to know what the name is before you can look it up. 209 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,136 Try "wilton." In lake forest. 210 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,602 There are zero in Illinois, but there are 15 of them nationwide. 211 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,437 - Can you do it backwards? - "Notliw"? 212 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,941 No, I mean, if I give you an address, can you work from there? 213 00:12:55,692 --> 00:13:00,697 Hey, um, maybe sometime we could just casually hang out. 214 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,199 Fine. Fine, yes. We can casually hang out. 215 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:10,915 Says the property owners are Lloyd and Candace lishman. 216 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,001 Hello, Ms. D-lish. 217 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:16,337 - Cool. Then we can hang out sometime? - We just did. 218 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,100 She opened an ing direct savings account. 219 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:32,645 Hasn't kept any large bills in there for months. Believe me, I've looked. 220 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,606 - You know where she is? - No idea. How much you need? 221 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,942 - Gotta buy concert tickets. - Fiona: Yikes. 222 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:41,529 Wish I had it. Maybe you should take Mrs. Niedereiter up on her offer. 223 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,285 Well, that should do it, Mrs. Niedereiter. 224 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,707 There are a lot of dark corners around my house... 225 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,668 That could use some attention, Phillip. 226 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,924 - Thanks for the idea. - You're not seriously gonna do it? 227 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,926 - Liam: Mommy. - No. 228 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,054 But I could smash her birdhouse again. 229 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,515 Hey... 230 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,934 What do you think of Steve? 231 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,771 Ass is kind of small. Not really my type. 232 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,108 You about to retreat and count your wounded? 233 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,277 No, just... 234 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,446 I just wanna know if I should trust him. 235 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:26,824 That's like asking if you should believe in god. 236 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,244 [Knocking on door] 237 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,491 Veronica: Just be yourself. 238 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,457 Okay. Okay. 239 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,876 Here we go. 240 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,671 Hi. Come in. 241 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:45,051 Ethel: Jonah, baby! Mama missed you so much. 242 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,847 Hi, baby. Hi. 243 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,392 Good afternoon. 244 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,601 -I'm kev. Andrea: Mm-hm. 245 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,895 Kevin: This is my wife, Veronica. 246 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,773 Hello. Good afternoon. 247 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,610 How you doing? I'm andréa Johnson from dcfs... 248 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,737 And I'm here to observe the home visit today. 249 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,783 So if everything go good, then baby Jonah may stay overnight. 250 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,993 Is your voice dressed up for Halloween? 251 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,787 Excuse me? 252 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,997 Think we don't know how to, ha-ha-ha, raise a child? 253 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,167 Come tell me I don't know how to be a mother? 254 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,420 Andrea: Uh, you got it wrong, sister girl. 255 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,506 I'm here to see how Ethel mothers, notyou. 256 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,675 What do you mean? Oh, please. Have a seat. 257 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:29,804 That girl is only 13 years old, but she's still got her parental rights. 258 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:33,015 I need to make sure the child can handle the child. You feel me? 259 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,060 - Kevin: Mm-hm. - Yeah. I feel you. 260 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:41,315 Oh, baby Jonah. Look at you. 261 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,568 You're hung like a little bear, aren't you? 262 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,612 Hey, Andrea? 263 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,822 - Andrea: Andrea. - Andréa. 264 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:52,076 You think we could apply to get baby Jonah as a foster kid too? 265 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,370 Andrea: That's gonna be a crap load of papenlvork... 266 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:57,999 But we do encourage keeping family members together. 267 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,547 [Choir singing hymns on radio] 268 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,134 All right, then. 269 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,554 Uh, Eddie's just down in the basement. He'll be right up. 270 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:15,433 And, of course, you will all get your shoes back when you go, so don't worry. 271 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,060 It'd be great if mine came back shined. 272 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,229 [All laughing] 273 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,441 That would be great. 274 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,610 [Knocking on door] 275 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,196 But at last came a knock 276 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:32,575 and I thought of the door with no lock to lock. 277 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,746 Robert frost. I was a poetry major in college. 278 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,807 Man: If you'll open your bibles to psalms... Sheila: Oh, sweetie. 279 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,587 Man: 127 verses three to five. Sheila: Okay. Um... 280 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,923 Man: "Children are a heritage of the lord..." 281 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,091 You guys...? Okay. 282 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,885 Oh, sweetie. 283 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,804 Oh! 284 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,098 Oh, you are ripe. 285 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,519 Nothing a little puerto rican bath can't fix. 286 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,896 Honey. Where were you last night? 287 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,273 I had to spend the night with the kids. 288 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,609 - They needed a little Frankie time. - Oh. 289 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:09,904 You're such a good dad. Ha-ha-ha. 290 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,197 Oh! Uh-oh. Uh-oh. 291 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,283 Sorry, folks, I had a little plumbing issue. 292 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,035 The house is not mine. 293 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,204 [Group laughing] 294 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:53,990 [Knocking on door] 295 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,199 [Dogs barking] 296 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,952 Lou? Lou: Frankie boy. How's it hanging? 297 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,121 Still from the left. Where the hell are you? 298 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,748 Jesus, it's hard to take a piss with this thing on. 299 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,167 That's a lie. It was the wiping that was tough. 300 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,336 This from the escalator thing at the mall? 301 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:11,090 No, no, no. This is the train doors closing on your ankle. 302 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,343 - Right. I haven't been the same since. - Yeah. 303 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:19,557 All I need is your signature and Monica's, and the money is all yours. 304 00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:22,602 With the exception of a third of it. It goes to me. 305 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,604 Plus expenses. 306 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,480 Sounds fair. 307 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:34,864 Yay. That was a hell of a warm-up. Unfortunately, those aren't the originals. 308 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:38,659 You two will have to go down to the city legal offices and do it in person. 309 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:42,246 What? I'm supposed to take off work to go do this? 310 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,749 Of course not, because, as you know... 311 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,376 This injury's prevented you from working, remember? 312 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,003 Oh, shit. 313 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,671 [Pager beeping] 314 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,048 Hey, look at that. 315 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,300 Client just went into labor. 316 00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:57,219 Is that gonna be a problem? Getting Monica to sign? 317 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,055 No. Why would it be a problem? 318 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:02,933 Well, if memory serves, she was a summa cum laude cunt. 319 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,394 Yeah, well, she was a lot of things. 320 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,854 You even know where she is? 321 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:10,483 - I have a phone number. I'll make it happen. - Uh-huh. I hope so. 322 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,319 She's a joint claimant on this thing. No Monica, no money. 323 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,696 Do me a favor. Feed the dogs before you go? 324 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,407 Bag of dog food in my desk drawer. Thanks, buddy. 325 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,173 All right. Come on. 326 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,591 Get off of her. 327 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:40,012 Lip [on machine]: Hey, man. It's lip. I'm calling you from a phone booth. 328 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:44,100 Just hit me back at whatever number comes up on your cell. It's important. 329 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,358 [Phone rings] 330 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,085 Thanks for taking long enough to let me enjoy the scent of urine. 331 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:57,363 I didn't know phone booths existed anymore. 332 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,948 What's up? Sounded urgent. 333 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,785 Yeah. I was just wondering. You, uh...? 334 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:07,540 - You think you can loan me a couple bills? - I can pay you for a job. 335 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,167 - Steve: You got a driver's license? - Few of them, yeah. 336 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,003 Steve: All right. Meet me by the El at 11. 337 00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,511 Are you screwing my sister's boyfriend? 338 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:25,224 If you're selling cookies, that's a hell of an opening line. 339 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:27,768 Do come in. 340 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,737 Can I get you something? 341 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,072 Milk? Soda? 342 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:43,576 A joint? It's medicinal. 343 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,120 No, thank you, Mrs. Lishman. 344 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,080 How do you know Steve? 345 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,458 Who is Steve? 346 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,877 He's my sister's boyfriend. 347 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,463 How nice. 348 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,077 So he's not pushing it into you? 349 00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,467 [Coughing] 350 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,513 Hey, mom, me and chip are gonna swing by the hospital to see dad... 351 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,474 - So you can relax tonight. - Oh! 352 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,976 - Okay? - Thank you, Jimmy. 353 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,395 You take such good care of your mama bear. 354 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,230 Both: Mwah! 355 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,818 - Oh! Uh, this is, oh... - Debbie: Debbie. 356 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,028 Debbie Gallagher. 357 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,823 Nice to meet you. Jimmy. 358 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,326 Jimmy is my youngest. 359 00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:30,122 Top of his class at Michigan in med school. 360 00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:33,751 He is going to be a cardiothoracic surgeon... 361 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:37,171 Like his big brother and his daddy. 362 00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,340 He has been taking such good care of me... 363 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,760 Since his father went into the hospital. 364 00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,053 A Fender bender. 365 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,971 Broke his knee cap. 366 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,558 And you know, doctors make the worst patients. 367 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,978 Would you like to stay for dinner, sweetheart? 368 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,106 Oh, shit. I liked her. 369 00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:59,068 [Line ringing] 370 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:03,239 Monica [over phone]: Hello? Hello? 371 00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:05,491 Shit! Shit! 372 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,284 Shit, shit, shit! 373 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:09,995 Frank? 374 00:22:12,289 --> 00:22:17,336 Frank, I certainly hope you're not pooping in there. It's a closet. 375 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,839 Frank? 376 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,679 You didn't poop in there, did you? 377 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:30,349 - I was waiting to surprise you. - Oh. 378 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,726 - Surprise! - Aah! 379 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:34,353 [Both laugh] 380 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,772 You got me! 381 00:22:37,565 --> 00:22:39,149 Oh, Frankie. 382 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:40,651 Hey, do me a favor. 383 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:45,948 Call this number and ask if Monica is there. 384 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,951 And if she is, tell her... 385 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,620 Congratulations, she's won. 386 00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:53,706 Who's Monica? 387 00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:56,584 - Doesn't matter. - What'd she win? 388 00:22:56,792 --> 00:23:01,088 Uh, I don't know, whatever. A lottery. Something. 389 00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:03,173 - Lottery? - A prize. 390 00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:04,717 A Teddy bear. 391 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:10,222 Jesus, with the questions already. 392 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,767 Just call. Say it's a Teddy bear. And a hundred bucks. 393 00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:17,479 And she has to pick it up. Just say that. 394 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:20,149 Well... 395 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,693 I hope this Monica... 396 00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,112 Whoever she is... 397 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:29,950 Worked really hard for this prize. 398 00:23:32,286 --> 00:23:34,246 - Frank: Sheils. - I didn't get a Teddy bear. 399 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:38,042 Sheil. Shit. 400 00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:40,085 [Soft knocking on door] 401 00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:44,840 Hey. 402 00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:48,010 Hey. 403 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:50,888 Come on. 404 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:58,228 She didn't really win a Teddy bear. 405 00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,272 But you wanna know what? 406 00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:02,650 If I was giving away Teddy bears... 407 00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:07,613 You would be absolutely top of the list. 408 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:09,782 [Sheila sobbing] 409 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:22,461 [Frank humming] 410 00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:29,718 If you will do this for me... 411 00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:32,721 I will dress up any way you want. 412 00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:36,141 No safety word. 413 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,603 Is this Monica? 414 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:46,902 Well, hello. This is Sheila from market promotions. 415 00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:51,323 Can I ask you where you do all of your grocery shopping? 416 00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:54,827 Well, yes. That's right. 417 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:59,206 You've won. First prize. Congratulations. 418 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:02,001 It's $100. 419 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,252 - And a Teddy bear. - Yes. 420 00:25:03,419 --> 00:25:05,129 - And... what? - Teddy bear. 421 00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:07,172 - Teddy bear. - And a Teddy bear! 422 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:10,759 And a great big Teddy bear. 423 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:13,554 Hello? 424 00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:19,309 - She's crying. - Oh, fuck. 425 00:25:19,476 --> 00:25:22,146 Yeah. No, I've never won anything either. 426 00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:23,480 No one cares. 427 00:25:23,647 --> 00:25:27,359 - It's so great. Yeah. I'm thrilled. - Zip it. 428 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,902 I'm thrilled for you. 429 00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:30,279 Get to the fucking point. 430 00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:35,075 Anyway, prizes will be given out at 3:00. 431 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:43,751 Wgn's own Tom skilling will be presenting. 432 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:45,544 Frank: What? What? 433 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:48,672 She doesn't know Tom skilling. 434 00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:51,175 - I don't know Tom skilling. - He does the weather. 435 00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:54,219 Tom skilling does the weather on wgn. 436 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:56,805 Anyway, 3:00 on the dot. 437 00:25:56,972 --> 00:25:59,349 - Jim Ramsey might be there too. - Oh, Jesus Christ. 438 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,477 - He does weekend weather. Okay. - Hang up. 439 00:26:01,643 --> 00:26:03,645 Congratulations. See you there, Monica. 440 00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:05,564 What did she say? Is she coming? 441 00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:09,526 How can you not know who two of Chicago's weathermen are? 442 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,361 What kind of person is this Monica? 443 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:14,448 Is she coming to get the fucking prize or not? 444 00:26:14,615 --> 00:26:17,117 Yeah. She... oh, she's going. 445 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:20,412 She's excited about that Teddy bear. 446 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:37,346 You know, not sure I can prove it, but I think it's colder on the north side. 447 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:40,849 Let me take you home, debs. 448 00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,519 I'm not supposed to take rides from strangers... 449 00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:46,063 And it's clear that you are a stranger. 450 00:26:46,688 --> 00:26:48,649 Oh, man. 451 00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:50,943 Are you gonna tell Fiona? 452 00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:53,529 Exactly what am I supposed to tell her? 453 00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:56,073 That your name isn't Steve? 454 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,951 That you have a family in Chicago she's never met? 455 00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:02,454 Or that your mom kisses you on the lips? Which is really gross. 456 00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,998 Life gets really complicated when you're an adult. 457 00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:09,211 I mean, you can't possibly understand these things right now. 458 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:15,008 I understand that you lied to my sister. Why? 459 00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:18,220 Because I was raised by a pack of wolves. 460 00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:21,932 Just like you were. Only my wolves went to Harvard. 461 00:27:22,099 --> 00:27:24,101 They have red wolves at Lincoln park zoo. 462 00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:26,854 Maybe we could go check them out sometime. 463 00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,731 Trying to distract me by asking me out on a date? 464 00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:33,527 I do not wanna be a doctor. I do not wanna be like the rest of my family. 465 00:27:33,694 --> 00:27:37,823 What I want is Fiona. I love her. 466 00:27:39,449 --> 00:27:42,786 Love is fleeting, Jimmy. What are your intentions? 467 00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:46,915 You're distracting her, and I need her in the game for at least a few more years. 468 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:51,170 I can't have you breaking her heart or running off with her. 469 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:55,299 So if you're not serious about sticking around, back off now. 470 00:27:56,216 --> 00:28:00,012 I bought her a house. Is that serious enough? 471 00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:01,597 You what? 472 00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:04,725 Come on. I'll show you. 473 00:28:18,739 --> 00:28:20,157 Debbie: Yes! Yes! 474 00:28:20,324 --> 00:28:21,783 This was Mr. Harris' house. 475 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:25,621 They said he died of lung cancer, but we're pretty sure it was full-blown aids. 476 00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:31,960 Oh, my god! 477 00:28:32,127 --> 00:28:34,922 - Has Fiona seen it? - No, she doesn't know about it yet. 478 00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:38,383 I was gonna fix it up a bit and surprise her when the time is right. 479 00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:42,262 Think we could build an aboveground walkway... 480 00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:43,972 That connects the two houses? 481 00:28:44,139 --> 00:28:45,432 What, like a habitrail tube? 482 00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:48,143 That would be awesome. 483 00:28:49,186 --> 00:28:50,896 Are you gonna tell Fiona? 484 00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:56,568 Don't know yet, Jimmy. 485 00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:59,238 Saw a really cool pink vest at the mall. 486 00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:00,781 Really? 487 00:29:00,948 --> 00:29:03,450 And I could use a new rolling pin and flour sifter. 488 00:29:03,617 --> 00:29:05,911 Sheila's teaching me how to bake. 489 00:29:06,536 --> 00:29:07,621 Anything else? 490 00:29:10,290 --> 00:29:11,750 Not for the moment. 491 00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:15,754 So which room would be mine when I sleep over? 492 00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,092 [Phone ringing] 493 00:29:27,015 --> 00:29:30,143 Not going out with that Gallagher degenerate tonight? 494 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,898 Good. You deserve better. 495 00:29:35,065 --> 00:29:37,776 I've been reading more about this purity-ball thing. 496 00:29:37,943 --> 00:29:41,029 It says here you can rededicate yourself as a virgin. 497 00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:43,532 Start over. Isn't that nice? 498 00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:50,706 I mean, you show up, you confess your transgressions... 499 00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:54,835 And pledge yourself to be pure again in the eyes of the lord. 500 00:29:57,129 --> 00:29:58,380 I'll give you the damn car. 501 00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:01,967 Really? 502 00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:16,982 Fiona would be pissed if she knew you were into this shit with me. 503 00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:20,819 Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? 504 00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:25,407 All right. Task at hand, you'll be driving the follow car. 505 00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:28,076 Golden rule: Always use a follow car. 506 00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:31,913 - Hey, silver Mercedes. - And a security camera at the intersection. 507 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,791 Why don't we head up to some asshole town like lake forest? 508 00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:36,376 - Plenty of douche-mobiles. - No. 509 00:30:36,543 --> 00:30:38,253 - I was thinking... - Listen. No. 510 00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:41,089 Two hundred bucks to follow me after I lift the car. 511 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:44,468 You get your concert tickets, I get my work done. That's it. Okay? 512 00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:45,719 All right, man. 513 00:30:50,349 --> 00:30:52,017 Shit. 514 00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:57,522 Rule number two: Always remember where you parked the follow car. 515 00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,806 Monica. 516 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:45,946 Monica? 517 00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:07,134 Deb. 518 00:32:07,676 --> 00:32:09,344 Jimmy. 519 00:32:09,970 --> 00:32:12,389 Fiona's next door with Liam. 520 00:32:12,806 --> 00:32:14,516 That my shut-up gift? 521 00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:18,019 Well, I like to think of it as a peace offering. 522 00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:21,440 A peace offering implies a one-time thing. 523 00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:24,359 This could take a while. 524 00:32:24,526 --> 00:32:25,819 How long? 525 00:32:26,570 --> 00:32:29,614 Until I'm sure that you're not still lying. 526 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:31,700 Okay. 527 00:32:31,867 --> 00:32:35,036 I gotta get back up to lake forest. They're releasing my dad. 528 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:39,207 I'm gonna take him home. You know everything there is to know. 529 00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:43,253 No more secrets. I promise. 530 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,340 Sifter sifts and rolling pin rolls. 531 00:32:48,133 --> 00:32:50,385 Nice when things do what they say they will. 532 00:32:57,893 --> 00:32:59,978 - Jimmy. - Steve. 533 00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:02,314 - Is this your idea of a joke? - Man: No, ma'am. 534 00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:04,858 Because you're scared of women with an opinion. 535 00:33:05,025 --> 00:33:06,109 - Man: No. - Yeah? 536 00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:09,905 Yeah? Watch this, crinkle-dick. Oh, yeah, I'll show you what's funny... 537 00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:13,033 When I rip your fucking face off your fucking head! 538 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,244 - Bob. Bob. No. No. No. - Bob: Out of the way, Monica. 539 00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:18,371 -Get out of my way! Out of the way, now. 540 00:33:18,538 --> 00:33:21,166 Monica: Put the shovel down. Let's just leave. 541 00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:23,960 - Just go. - I'm sorry. 542 00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:25,962 Bob: Who lies about a Teddy bear? 543 00:33:26,588 --> 00:33:29,508 Wasting my fucking time! Are you sure this is the right store? 544 00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:31,760 - Yes! - Did they specifically say this store? 545 00:33:31,927 --> 00:33:35,931 Yes! I told you. Yes. I wrote it down. I wrote everything down. 546 00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:39,100 Stop talking to me like I'm stupid. 547 00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:49,194 Frank? 548 00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:53,114 -Frank! Bob: What? 549 00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:55,700 Monica: Frank! 550 00:33:59,955 --> 00:34:01,331 Start the car! 551 00:34:01,498 --> 00:34:03,041 Kevin: What? 552 00:34:03,416 --> 00:34:05,794 - Go, go, go! - Kevin: What the fuck, frank? 553 00:34:05,961 --> 00:34:07,754 - She saw me. - What's going on? 554 00:34:09,422 --> 00:34:11,591 Frank: Come on! We gotta get out of here! Go! 555 00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:21,893 I'm gonna rip it off when I catch you! 556 00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:27,816 - Can't this piece of shit go any faster? - No! 557 00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:30,652 Monica's batting for the other team. 558 00:34:30,819 --> 00:34:32,612 Kevin: What? Frank: My wife's a lesbian. 559 00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:33,947 Kevin: Shit! 560 00:34:36,491 --> 00:34:37,784 [Truck horn honks] 561 00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:49,296 - No.no.no. - Shut up, frank. 562 00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:51,089 Frank: No. No. 563 00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,973 Fuck off, iesbos! 564 00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:01,349 [Kevin laughs] 565 00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:06,688 Okay. My advice to you would be to let Fiona live in her own relationship. 566 00:35:06,855 --> 00:35:08,898 You can't do it for her. 567 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,609 There's things she should know. 568 00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:14,279 Well, sometimes, sweetie, when people are in love... 569 00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:17,907 They don't tell someone everything for a reason. 570 00:35:18,074 --> 00:35:19,618 That's like lying. 571 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:24,873 No, sweetie, it's just... It's a little editing. 572 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:31,504 Now, by sifting, see, we separate and aerate those flour particles... 573 00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:34,841 To make them absorb liquids better. 574 00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:37,469 Someone should sift my dad. 575 00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:41,431 Ha, ha. You gallaghers. You're all so funny. 576 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:45,852 Kevin: Frank! This is bullshit! Frank: Lock the door! Lock the door! 577 00:35:46,019 --> 00:35:48,521 What is happening?! 578 00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:50,488 - Debbie: It's okay. - I thought we lost them. 579 00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:52,692 Did you even have a plan back there? 580 00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:56,738 I was going to charm her into signing once she was there. 581 00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:59,074 How was I supposed to know she would show up... 582 00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:02,202 With ghetto Godzilla in a peterbilt? 583 00:36:02,369 --> 00:36:05,538 I am seriously this close to punching you in the dick. 584 00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:20,261 Get... they're just girls. 585 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:22,555 Stop. You talk to them. 586 00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:25,100 I need the key to the back door. 587 00:36:25,266 --> 00:36:28,019 That is not a sexual euphemism. I need the fucking key. 588 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,562 What did you do with it? 589 00:36:29,729 --> 00:36:31,731 I don't know. I can't think when you yell! 590 00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:33,692 I'm not! What did you do with the key? 591 00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:36,820 - You're still yelling. - I need the key, Sheila! 592 00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:40,240 Okay. It's by the... it's by the... It's by the washing machine. 593 00:36:40,407 --> 00:36:42,575 Frank: It's not by the washing machine. Sheila: It is. 594 00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:46,037 - I put it by the washing machine. - Frank: It's not by... 595 00:36:50,083 --> 00:36:52,627 It's mom. 596 00:37:01,261 --> 00:37:03,263 Monica: Debbie. 597 00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:08,101 My sweet pea. 598 00:37:24,159 --> 00:37:27,662 What the fuck are you looking at? 599 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,585 - I got nothing to do with it. - Sit. 600 00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:36,212 - I'm just the driver. - Sit your ass down. 601 00:37:43,303 --> 00:37:48,433 That was a nasty trick. Even for you, frank. 602 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,852 I had my heart set on that Teddy bear. 603 00:37:51,019 --> 00:37:54,689 Poor Monica. Well, what about your kids? 604 00:37:54,856 --> 00:37:57,192 Remember? The six kids? 605 00:37:57,358 --> 00:38:00,153 Youngest was only 2 months old before you ran off... 606 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,031 Ended up with fucking Shrek here. 607 00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:07,619 - You want me to step in? - No. I didn't leave you, frank. 608 00:38:07,786 --> 00:38:08,870 Yes, you did. 609 00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:13,374 I didn't choose to leave my family. You almost destroyed me. 610 00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:15,460 When I turned up at Roberta's that night... 611 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,747 I was an emotional cripple. Bob: Emotional cripple. 612 00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:20,048 - With not one ounce of self-respect. - Bullshit. 613 00:38:20,215 --> 00:38:24,511 - I'm gonna start crying. - You drove me into the ground, frank. 614 00:38:24,677 --> 00:38:31,142 You robbed me of any sense of dignity I ever had and... 615 00:38:32,268 --> 00:38:33,686 Where's the rest of the kids? 616 00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:37,524 - They're out playing. - They live down at Fiona's. 617 00:38:39,943 --> 00:38:41,903 You mind putting some bags on? 618 00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:44,155 Can you put some bags on your feet, please? 619 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:48,076 Bob: Bags on my feet? Sheila: Yeah, I need you to put bags on. 620 00:39:05,385 --> 00:39:08,429 - Veronica: Don't, don't, don't. - Hell hath no fury like popcorn burned. 621 00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:09,681 Lip: All right. 622 00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:11,558 - Veronica: Steve coming? - Hope so. 623 00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:14,227 Are you guys gonna make a baby while we watch cosmos? 624 00:39:14,394 --> 00:39:16,187 Because that's gonna make me throw up. 625 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:19,691 - Billions and billions of sperm. - —ew! 626 00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:25,572 - Can you please turn it on already? - Yeah, hurry up, I gotta get back to work. 627 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:28,511 Sagan [on TV]: Shaped our evolution... 628 00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:29,659 Hey. 629 00:39:29,826 --> 00:39:31,578 And what our fate may be. 630 00:39:31,744 --> 00:39:33,705 - Missed you, stranger. - You too. 631 00:39:36,291 --> 00:39:37,542 Get a room. 632 00:39:37,709 --> 00:39:39,836 Steve: Get your tickets? Lip: Yeah. Thanks. 633 00:39:40,295 --> 00:39:42,046 Steve: Glad I could help. 634 00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:43,464 Glad you're glad. 635 00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:44,757 Steve. 636 00:39:44,924 --> 00:39:46,676 Steve: Boy. 637 00:39:46,843 --> 00:39:48,720 This popcorn's burnt. 638 00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:50,430 Our microwave sucks. 639 00:39:50,597 --> 00:39:52,891 It doesn't mean I want you to buy us a new one. 640 00:39:53,057 --> 00:39:55,894 Sagan [on TV]: Universes smaller than atoms. 641 00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:58,438 - But it's also a story of our own planet... - Fiona: Debs? 642 00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:00,231 And the plants and animals... 643 00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:03,818 - Honey, what happened? - Lip: Dad have one too many again? 644 00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:06,905 You just gotta ignore him when he's like that, debs. 645 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:09,824 Why do you always blame dad first? 646 00:40:09,991 --> 00:40:11,242 Who else is there? 647 00:40:11,409 --> 00:40:13,328 [Liam babbles] 648 00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:15,038 She's over at Sheila's. 649 00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:18,124 - Who? - Monica. 650 00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:21,169 Sagan [on TV]: Exquisite interrelationships... 651 00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:23,630 Of the awesome machinery of nature. 652 00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:26,966 - Who the hell is Monica? - Our mother. 653 00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:29,302 Sagan [on TV]: Shore of the cosmic ocean. 654 00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:30,678 On this share... 655 00:40:30,845 --> 00:40:35,308 Fiona: Debs, did you s...? Debbie: What do you care? 656 00:40:35,475 --> 00:40:39,062 You'll be living with Steve in that house he bought next door. 657 00:40:45,985 --> 00:40:48,321 Surprise. 658 00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:51,824 Sagan: Because the cosmos is also within us. 659 00:40:51,991 --> 00:40:53,868 We 're made of stars. We are... 660 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:57,538 - I'm going to work. - Ian, come on. Wait. 661 00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:02,877 Liam: Mommy. Mommy. 662 00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,587 Steve: I know. 663 00:41:04,754 --> 00:41:06,714 Mommy. 664 00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:09,300 Mommy. 665 00:41:27,568 --> 00:41:28,695 What the fuck? 666 00:41:28,861 --> 00:41:31,280 - I need to see you. - Not a good time. 667 00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:35,118 Terry: Who keeps hanging their fucking laundry on my pull-up bar? 668 00:41:35,284 --> 00:41:37,036 I don't know where else to go. 669 00:41:38,746 --> 00:41:41,082 I thought you were working today. 670 00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:46,004 Linda's gonna have my ass. I'm supposed to be there now. 671 00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:48,589 I'll meet you there in 20. 672 00:41:52,385 --> 00:41:54,220 - Aw, bullshit! - Yes! 673 00:41:54,387 --> 00:41:57,598 - You physically abused me. - What? When? 674 00:41:57,765 --> 00:41:59,851 - That 4th of July. - Oh, come on! 675 00:42:00,018 --> 00:42:02,812 You hit me in the face with a tray of apple pandowdy. 676 00:42:02,979 --> 00:42:04,564 And you hit me back. 677 00:42:04,731 --> 00:42:07,734 Yeah, after you broke my nose and scratched my cornea. 678 00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:09,402 Oh, yeah? What about this? 679 00:42:09,569 --> 00:42:11,404 Oh, come on! You started that one! 680 00:42:11,571 --> 00:42:13,740 And I'll finish it if you lay a finger on her. 681 00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:16,534 - Sheila: Roberta. - "Bob." Only moni calls me Roberta. 682 00:42:17,118 --> 00:42:21,205 All right. Well, Bob, perhaps we're just in the way here. 683 00:42:21,372 --> 00:42:27,170 And we should make our exit and leave Monica for her apologies. 684 00:42:27,336 --> 00:42:30,715 Apologies? For walking out on this piece of shit? 685 00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:33,801 No. For walking out on them. 686 00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:42,268 Oh, my god. 687 00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:46,481 It's all right. I'm not one of yours. Just came to rubberneck. 688 00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:52,653 [Both grunting] 689 00:42:54,155 --> 00:42:56,324 [Yells] 690 00:42:58,409 --> 00:43:01,662 Linda's pregnant! Ian! 691 00:43:01,829 --> 00:43:04,040 Finally knocked her up! Where are you? I did it! 692 00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:06,125 It's over! 693 00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:07,919 [Grunting] 694 00:43:14,175 --> 00:43:16,302 What the fuck? 695 00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:30,650 [Babbling] 696 00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,656 Monica: You're all so big. 697 00:43:36,823 --> 00:43:38,449 Thank you. 698 00:43:39,408 --> 00:43:41,953 I missed you so much. 699 00:43:43,788 --> 00:43:45,498 Why didn't you take us with you? 700 00:43:48,543 --> 00:43:50,920 Monica: Because... 701 00:43:51,087 --> 00:43:54,048 I knew you'd be fine with Fiona. 702 00:44:21,909 --> 00:44:24,245 Fucking right, you keep your mouth shut. 703 00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:29,876 You better keep it shut. 704 00:44:32,086 --> 00:44:33,212 You hear me? 705 00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:36,841 Put the candy back, Mickey. 706 00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:43,639 Mm. That's sweet. 707 00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:46,058 I like them sweet. 708 00:44:47,101 --> 00:44:52,148 But then, uh, so do you, huh? Ha, ha. 709 00:44:52,315 --> 00:44:56,944 Put it back. Now. 710 00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,704 - Kash, what are you doing? - It's a fucking snickers bar. 711 00:45:07,663 --> 00:45:10,249 Mickey: Fuck! Ian: Holy shit! 712 00:45:10,875 --> 00:45:14,086 Mickey: Jesus chr... Ian: Okay. 713 00:45:14,253 --> 00:45:15,588 - You okay? - Fuck. 714 00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:20,259 - Hey. Hey. Listen to me. Look at me. - You fucking suck! 715 00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:29,560 Lip: I thought you were at work. 716 00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:32,647 There was a shooting. 717 00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:34,232 Mickey and Kash. 718 00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:36,901 Holy shit. Mickey shot Kash? 719 00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,278 - Kash shot Mickey. - What? 720 00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:43,658 In the leg. He's fine. Just wanted to get out of there before the cops got there. 721 00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:45,159 Lip: 722 00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:47,745 What'd I miss with mom? 723 00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:51,415 Well, you know how dad's a total fucking asshole? 724 00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:55,253 Turns out he's the good one. 725 00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:58,130 I can't believe you sucked me back in here for money. 726 00:45:58,297 --> 00:46:00,591 I did no such thing! 727 00:46:01,342 --> 00:46:04,679 But since you're in town, why don't you sign up for this little thing... 728 00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:07,098 And I'll cut you in. Monica: Fuck you, frank! 729 00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:08,849 Wait. You brought her back here? 730 00:46:09,976 --> 00:46:11,143 Oh, Ian. 731 00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:13,854 Wait. You knew where she was the whole time? 732 00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:17,233 This little reunion was bound to happen sooner or later, anyway. 733 00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,027 We were thinking about coming around to talk to you. 734 00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:22,571 - No, no. Not now. - Bob: Yes, now! Yes, now! 735 00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:24,991 Moni and I wanna take Liam to live with us. 736 00:46:25,157 --> 00:46:26,909 - What? - Over my dead body! 737 00:46:27,076 --> 00:46:30,871 How about moni sign whatever the hell it is you need, we get Liam? 738 00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:32,665 - Done. - No fucking way! 739 00:46:32,832 --> 00:46:34,083 You can't have Liam. 740 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:36,544 Why the hell not? He's not even frank's. 741 00:46:36,711 --> 00:46:38,629 Fact is Liam is black. 742 00:46:38,796 --> 00:46:41,048 All you white folks scooping up black babies... 743 00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:44,093 Like fashion accessories have a rude awakening coming. 744 00:46:44,260 --> 00:46:48,139 No. There will be a backlash if people don't stop underestimating... 745 00:46:48,306 --> 00:46:52,768 The cultural importance of a black parent raising a black baby. 746 00:46:52,935 --> 00:46:55,771 Liam needs me and he's coming with us. 747 00:46:55,938 --> 00:46:58,065 No. Out of the fucking question, Roberta. 748 00:46:58,232 --> 00:47:00,735 Roberta and I wanna start a family of our own. 749 00:47:00,901 --> 00:47:02,903 How about you finish this one first? 750 00:47:03,070 --> 00:47:04,447 -Taking Liam? Bob: Yes! 751 00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:09,702 - No. Nobody's taking anyone anywhere. - You don't get to abandon your kids... 752 00:47:09,869 --> 00:47:12,788 And then show up one day to take your pick of the litter. 753 00:47:12,955 --> 00:47:14,999 Oh, now, that's not fair. 754 00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:18,085 Your mother's made mistakes, but she's here now. 755 00:47:18,252 --> 00:47:21,797 - That's got to count for something. - Fiona: Shut up, frank! 756 00:47:22,173 --> 00:47:24,258 This isn't about you. 757 00:47:24,884 --> 00:47:26,427 This is about you. 758 00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:29,055 This is about what you didn't do. 759 00:47:29,472 --> 00:47:31,015 It's about what I did. 760 00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:35,603 And you know what? I did a fucking great job. 761 00:47:35,770 --> 00:47:37,480 Debbie is class president. 762 00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:40,608 She's on the debate team going to nationals. 763 00:47:40,775 --> 00:47:43,319 And lip, he's top of his class. 764 00:47:43,486 --> 00:47:45,112 He set the curve. 765 00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:48,866 Ian was promoted in RotC and he tested out of English. 766 00:47:49,033 --> 00:47:53,788 And Carl made something blow up for his science fair. And you know what? 767 00:47:53,954 --> 00:47:58,125 They did it all, no thanks to you, because you weren't here. 768 00:47:58,626 --> 00:48:03,589 And I appreciate that, Fiona, but I'm here now... 769 00:48:03,756 --> 00:48:07,593 And Liam belongs with me. 770 00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,929 - He doesn't even know who you are. - I'm his mother! 771 00:48:10,096 --> 00:48:12,139 You were my mother too! 772 00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,642 [Liam babbling] 773 00:48:16,644 --> 00:48:18,062 Liam: I don't! I don't know! 774 00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:21,649 Maybe I'll never be able to make things right with you... 775 00:48:23,651 --> 00:48:26,153 But there's still time with Liam. 776 00:48:27,363 --> 00:48:29,824 And, Debbie and Carl... 777 00:48:29,990 --> 00:48:32,660 I am so sorry if I hurt you. 778 00:48:34,161 --> 00:48:37,623 Please. I love you so much. 779 00:48:37,790 --> 00:48:40,418 Please let me be your mommy again. 780 00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:42,378 Please. 781 00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:49,343 Monica: Oh! 782 00:48:54,014 --> 00:48:55,224 Fiona: You know what? 783 00:48:57,393 --> 00:48:58,853 You're right. 784 00:48:59,854 --> 00:49:01,647 You are their mother. 785 00:49:02,189 --> 00:49:05,651 And you're here now, so I'm done. 786 00:49:05,818 --> 00:49:09,864 I'm done with the school and the bills and the clinics. 787 00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:11,615 I'm done. 788 00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,910 They're all yours now, mom. 789 00:49:15,494 --> 00:49:17,329 Good luck. 790 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:25,337 It's okay. 791 00:49:52,573 --> 00:49:53,991 Steve: Come here. 792 00:49:59,163 --> 00:50:00,789 Fiona: Show me the house? 793 00:50:00,956 --> 00:50:02,333 Steve: Yeah. 794 00:50:43,374 --> 00:50:45,376 [English - us - sdh]