1 00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:04,094 Here's what you missed on shameless last week. 2 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,297 [EKG beeping] 3 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,424 I got really drunk. 4 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:11,261 And I'm not sure what happened after that. 5 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,639 What the hell is he doing here? 6 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,600 I can't afford to live somewhere else and support you two. 7 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,018 - Hi, frank. - Shit! 8 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,105 - Who the fuck's Tony? - Fiona: Tony, sweet. 9 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,191 Steve: The cars I sell are mainly not mine. 10 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,526 I like you, Fiona. 11 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,194 [Both panting] 12 00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,154 You remember Steve? 13 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,533 Yeah, how's it going? 14 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,577 She doesn't care if you have a girlfriend. Neither do I. 15 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,287 - I'm getting married. - You what? 16 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,914 Frank: Yeah! Carol: Ha, ha. 17 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,542 Veronica, will you do me the honor of being my wife? 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,428 - Yes! - Fiona: You don't seem very happy... 19 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,880 - To be getting married. - It's because I'm already married. 20 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:01,204 Veronica: I wasn't thinking about getting married. He brought it up. 21 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,207 Now I'm, like, obsessed. Phillips. 22 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,934 Fiona: Wasn't he drunk when he proposed? 23 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:10,255 Veronica: Oh, yeah, it was like that David Hasselhoff video, eating a cheeseburger. 24 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:12,966 - I never saw that. - Oh, YouTube it, it's a car wreck. 25 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,760 You can't not watch. 26 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,056 You want a drunk proposal to be the story you tell your grand-kids? 27 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:22,142 My husband proposed to me at the top of the sears tower. 28 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,561 Champagne and roses. 29 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:28,857 Six months into the marriage I found out he was fucking my sister. 30 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:33,153 - And the moral of the story is? - My sister's a bitch. 31 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,698 Other than presents and booze, give three reasons to get married. 32 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,951 Lots of people who love each other get married every day, Fiona. 33 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:45,207 I don't know, v. The way things are between you and Kevin right now... 34 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,919 It seems perfect. Why ruin it? 35 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,888 [Sighs] 36 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,434 What do you get for that? 37 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,229 - What? - What are they paying... 38 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,439 For the neck thing? Disability. 39 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,484 Six hundred seventy-four bucks a month. 40 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,444 [Chuckles] 41 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,989 That's what I get, heh. 42 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,742 But look, I can do this: 43 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,285 [Chuckles] 44 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:39,970 While I admire your commitment, I gotta tell you, it's a bit over the top. 45 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:44,474 [Speaks in Hungarian] 46 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,603 I told them I get migraines. 47 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,814 -Genius, huh? —huh? 48 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,692 - Try proving I don't have them, heh. - Ugh. 49 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,489 I bet it itches like you got crabs in there. 50 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,203 [Sniffs] 51 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,337 Kev, come out. 52 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,092 - You done? - Why are we getting married? 53 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,595 - What? - Other than the presents and the booze... 54 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,182 Can you tell me three good reasons why you want to get married? 55 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,018 Not really. Wait a minute. 56 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:31,897 This isn't one of those tests, is it? Where I'm supposed to change your mind? 57 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,149 Heh, if it is, you just failed. 58 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,151 You don't want to get married? 59 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:39,780 I mean, things between us are pretty great. I don't want to ruin it. 60 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,449 - What would we tell people? - That the wedding's off. 61 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,285 - No one's damn business why. - Yeah? 62 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,080 - Yeah. - Well, great then. 63 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,504 - Guess I gotta tell momma. - Oh, yeah. 64 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,130 That's gonna suck. 65 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,717 She's on her way over to talk about the blessed event. 66 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,554 I am gonna miss getting a free kitchenaid mixer. 67 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,390 Can you register for gifts if you're not getting married? 68 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,101 - I got a gift for you. Mm-hm. - Yeah? 69 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,562 [Both chuckle] 70 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,359 [Singing] Here comes the bride 71 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,402 all dressed in white 72 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,030 which I think you can still get away with, baby. 73 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:23,698 [Laughing] 74 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,617 Hey, momma. 75 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,413 Oh, I can't believe it. Oh, I can't believe it! 76 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,083 I can't believe this. What happened? 77 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,544 - Nothing happened. - How could you do this to me? 78 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,547 Look, nothing's gonna change. Kev and I are still together. 79 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,424 - Yeah, momma... - Don't call me momma. 80 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,177 We're just cutting out all the papennork. Right? 81 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,514 You know, and besides, until gay people... 82 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,808 Can get married in this state... 83 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,602 I'm not gonna. 84 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,897 This isn't what your father wants. You know that, don't you? 85 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,774 Daddy's dead. He doesn't want anything. 86 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:02,070 Your daddy, rest his soul, wants to see his little girl married. 87 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,823 - Look, momma, I... - He set a little something aside... 88 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:07,158 For you for once you finally settled down. 89 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,202 - A little what? - Daddy left you money... 90 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,163 For your first home once you got married. 91 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,332 - A house? - He thought it might keep you... 92 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,960 From being somebody's baby-momma. Veronica: How much? 93 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,964 I don't know, he wanted the envelope opened on your wedding day. 94 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,425 Now I guess we'll never know. 95 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,387 I just... I never knew how much it meant to daddy. 96 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,017 Maybe we should reconsider, babe. 97 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,185 Heh, but what about the gay people? 98 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,688 They got their parades, they can wait. 99 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,607 [Sighs] 100 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:42,485 It's hot. I'm hot. Ahem, are you guys hot? 101 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,237 [Exhales] 102 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,823 Hot. 103 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,117 [Knocking on door] 104 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,745 - Woman: Fiona. - Coming. 105 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,589 [Sighs] 106 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,051 - Fiona: Hi. - Hey. 107 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,678 - Oh, it's fresh? - And clean as a whistle. 108 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,932 Thanks, Fiona. You have no idea what this means to me. 109 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,644 Means you get to smoke weed and keep your government job and I get to eat. 110 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,229 It's lasagne, straight from the oven. Still warm. 111 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,066 So's this. Keep it that way if you wanna pass. 112 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:26,446 - Lunch. Eat it or miss it, people. - Thanks. Bye. 113 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,698 - What, more piss food? - Fiona: You know it. 114 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,408 Lip: All right. 115 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,412 - Cup-a-lasagne, anyone? - Ian: Right here. 116 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,667 Fiona: Who was on dishes today? Ian: Uh, I'll get them after lunch. 117 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,085 Veronica: Hey, debs... 118 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,587 You ready to go to target? Debbie: Oh, yeah. Sure. 119 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,464 Veronica: What's that smell? 120 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:48,134 - It's either vomit or fancy cheese. - It can be both if you want. 121 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,055 - Fiona: Target? - Deb's gonna go help me register gifts. 122 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,431 Mm, good. 123 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,267 - I thought the wedding was off. - Back on. 124 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,812 -Kev know? Veronica: Mm-hm. 125 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,483 - Hey. - Damn. 126 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:08,154 Tell that girl I will crap on a paper plate for her if it gets me some of this grub. 127 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,461 - Woman: Francis Gallagher. - Yeah. 128 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,926 [Sighs] 129 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,304 Drop your pants. 130 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:37,308 I don't see how this has any bearings on my migraines. 131 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,603 Me neither, but it's on the state form. 132 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,813 Drop them, sailor. 133 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,399 [Blowing] 134 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,902 - Unh. - Still cold, ha, ha. 135 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,072 Again. 136 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,282 [Coughs] 137 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,450 Again. 138 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,826 [Coughs] 139 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,161 That's weird. 140 00:08:56,786 --> 00:09:00,123 Have you ever done a testicular self-examination? 141 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,877 Oh, god, no. I say leave those three bad boys down there alone. 142 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,879 Yeah, well, that's the problem. 143 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,007 Should only be two testicles invited to this party. 144 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,468 - Frank: What's this? - I need you and your testicles... 145 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,470 Back here tomorrow for a biopsy. 146 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,598 So I got an extra passenger on board, what's the big deal? 147 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,725 - Normal number's two. - Not for me. 148 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,853 Third guy's always been there. He's my lucky charm. Gave me six kids. 149 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,607 Probably benign, then. 150 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,985 You're smart not to worry until you do a biopsy. 151 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,154 Gives you something to worry about. 152 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,827 [Door closes] 153 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,916 Kevin: Uh, you can't bring a baby into a bar, ma'am. 154 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,168 You can't get married if you already are. 155 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,753 I know, I know. 156 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,963 - Why the hell doesn't she know? - Because. 157 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,799 - I'm afraid to tell her. - Kev! 158 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:54,511 I don't wanna make her sad, fi. It would break my heart to hurt her. 159 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,557 Just tell her the truth, kev. If you don't, I will. 160 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,687 Can you hit me with a milk refill? 161 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:09,609 The devil's in my balls, Billy. And he's coming for the rest of me. 162 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,070 - Let's hope he can swim. - Frank: Why, Billy? 163 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,321 Why me? 164 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:18,243 - Because you're an asshole, frank. - Doc says it's probably benign. 165 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,329 Look at Lance Armstrong, he had that ball cancer. 166 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:25,542 - Ends up fucking a rock star. - That's right. That's... see? 167 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,044 -Hey, baby. Kevin: Hey, hey! 168 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,547 [Kevin speaks indistinctly] 169 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,090 Okay, I know this is silly. 170 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,593 But I'm really starting to get excited about this whole wedding thing. 171 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,430 The gifts and the wedding, and being Mrs. Kevin ball. 172 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,974 [Chuckles] 173 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,101 You know old man parson's place on 5th? 174 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,937 - I think we should buy it. - What? 175 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,815 The one where the son went crazy and hit him with an ax? 176 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,776 It's for sale. We should start getting our stuff together. 177 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:55,113 All the loans and credit scores and all that. 178 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,614 What's the matter, babe? 179 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,826 I'm sure they got the blood cleaned up by now. 180 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,788 [Sighs] 181 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,208 I can't marry you, Veronica. 182 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,547 I'm already married. 183 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,427 Veronica: She's beautiful. 184 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,513 She's a head-case. She used to throw plates at me. 185 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,933 Couldn't handle her booze. That's how I got scars on my neck. 186 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,395 You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you over the years. 187 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:30,940 But the more time went on, the more unreal it all seemed. 188 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,861 You look like a douche bag with that mullet. 189 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,865 Oh, I can't believe this. 190 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,950 Guess I can forget about buying a house. 191 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,619 Kevin: Yeah. 192 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,038 Fiona: Maybe not. Kevin: What do you mean? 193 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,666 You don't actually have to get married. Your mom wants a wedding. 194 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,461 So give her one. 195 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,463 I could get ordained online. 196 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,882 Then we don't file the license with the state. 197 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,717 - Ha-ha-ha. - A fake wedding. 198 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,302 [Laughs] 199 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:03,723 Why not? You'd still be married. It just won't be legal. 200 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,143 - Yeah, but what's the point, then? - All the free shit, baby. 201 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,895 [Laughing] 202 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,564 - Oh, damn. That would've sucked. - Baby, come on. 203 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,068 Showing up at your wedding fucking paralyzed and shit? Yeah. 204 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,694 Oh, shit. 205 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:22,200 It looks a bit like top ramen in there, doesn't it? 206 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:28,665 Sweetie, would you like me to come with you to your biopsy? 207 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,917 No, it's probably nothing. 208 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,419 Benign cyst. An ingrown hair. 209 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,421 Yes, I think you're right. 210 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,508 You're gonna be just fine. 211 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:41,844 [Sobbing] 212 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:43,888 Why the hell are you crying? 213 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,563 I knew it was too good to be true. 214 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,148 You're gonna die. 215 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,860 Jesus, Sheila. I'm not gonna die. I haven't even had the biopsy yet. 216 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,698 It was probably that nut-vise sex toy of hers that gave you the damn cancer. 217 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,409 I'm gonna need the house next week for Bible study. 218 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:08,371 We're doing the passion play again. It might get noisy. 219 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,258 I have two plots... 220 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:21,926 At oak woods cemetery. 221 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,678 One was for Eddie. 222 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:29,225 Nothing would make me happier than to Bury you in one of them. 223 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,228 Wait there for me. 224 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,772 Oh, god. 225 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,566 I'm gonna die. 226 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,234 [Bell tolls] 227 00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,571 He married your father and I, aunt Rochelle, uncle Bobby. 228 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,824 And cousin Jimmy with that first wife, with the cleft palate. 229 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:48,453 A cleft palate is merely the Mark god leaves... 230 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,581 When he kisses a person before they're born. 231 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,750 Girl's momma just skipped the folic acid. 232 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:59,505 I'm gonna need you both to come to my weekend engagement encounter retreat. 233 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,383 It covers all of the pre-cana material... 234 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,678 Necessary for you to get married with god's blessing. 235 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,097 Uh, could you excuse us for just a second, please? 236 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,560 Might be fun to do it at a church outing, huh? 237 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,104 Veronica, that man in there is a priest. 238 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,399 He's gonna require a license. A marriage license. 239 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,778 I'm pretty sure bigamy is still a felony in the state of Illinois. 240 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,863 Why'd you let your mom drag us here? 241 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,282 - Momma wasn't gonna take no. - What about Fiona? 242 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,951 - Wasn't she gonna marry us? - Relax, baby, I got this. 243 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,956 Momma, we already have someone that's gonna do the wedding for us. 244 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,626 This some healing hands, voodoo, wheat-grass jackass? 245 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,962 Because that's not a wedding in the lord's eyes. Tell them, father. 246 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:43,424 Tell them that is not a wedding in the lord's eyes. 247 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:49,972 Well, I know this. Thatjust like the honeybee, god has many eyes. 248 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,060 Look, it has to be a priest. That's what your father wanted. 249 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,687 That's what I want. And that's what the lord wants. 250 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,401 - Wedding's not gonna work. - What happened? 251 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,152 Momma wants a real priest. 252 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,321 Sheila said she'd make your wedding dress. 253 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,991 Oh, that's nice, but what good is the dress if I don't have a priest? 254 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,037 You could hire an actor. Remember the guy who played elmo at my birthday? 255 00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,581 - You remember that? - He took his head off. 256 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,751 - It was traumatizing. - Think an actor could work? 257 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,004 I can probably get father Pete to do it, if Carl will help. 258 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:26,092 - What's it gonna cost me? - Uh, Karen and I use your place Friday? 259 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,845 - Done. - Father Pete? The groper? 260 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,138 God willing. 261 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,850 Lip: We got hot dogs? Fiona: Hmm, no hot dogs. 262 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,396 [Microwave button beeps] 263 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,022 [Microwave whirring] 264 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,732 What? 265 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,906 Excuse me. 266 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,366 Better late than never. 267 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:53,536 Even better on time. What's with the costume? 268 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,581 RotC. I made cadet lieutenant colonel today. 269 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,374 - You did? That's great. - Yeah. 270 00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,709 Congratulations. 271 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:04,046 When I get back, I want the stock shelved with all labels facing the same direction. 272 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,133 - Where are you going? - Your head is like a funnel. 273 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,720 - The boy scout trip is this weekend. - They have Muslim boy scouts? 274 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,722 Similar. Motto is still "be prepared." 275 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,700 But you learn how to work with chemicals instead of tying knots. 276 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,933 [Chuckles] 277 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,269 The troop is sponsored by the baptist church. 278 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,480 They give us free outfits and overnights... 279 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,733 And we let them think we're assimilating. Everybody wins. 280 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,902 I'll be back Sunday night. 281 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,157 Lieutenant colonel? I am so proud of you. 282 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,992 It's not that big of a deal. 283 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,328 Linda and the boys are gone for two nights. 284 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,331 We're gonna have a whole night together to celebrate. 285 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,478 Unh, oh, god! 286 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:03,523 - God, I'm sorry. - Oh, Jesus Christ. 287 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,442 Was that the biopsy? God, right in the... 288 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,653 Here, let's take a look. 289 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:11,781 - Unh. - I'm just gonna take a look. 290 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,454 Okay, well, that is definitely better. 291 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:23,709 - I think you're okay. - Well, now, yeah. 292 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,795 I'm just gonna shave you, okay? 293 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,632 [Sighs] 294 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,051 I've never been shaved down there before. 295 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,971 Just doing a small section. 296 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,396 Okay. Oh. 297 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,481 I'm sorry about that. 298 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:49,652 [Chuckles] 299 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,322 Maybe I could come back later and you could shave the other two. 300 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:54,865 [Chuckles] 301 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,662 - There. All done. - Ooh. 302 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,498 Feels like spring. 303 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:07,503 Wish I could say this wasn't gonna hurt. 304 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:10,756 [Frank screams] 305 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,385 You don't have to go crazy, Sheila, but as close to Vera wang as you can. 306 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,679 You are going to make a beautiful bride. 307 00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:20,558 Oh, Sheila, you're making me feel like cinderella. 308 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,227 Karen: Screw cinderella. Little Doe-eyed bitch. 309 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,564 Probably one of the worst role models for little girls. 310 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:29,191 I think cinderella was a feminist. 311 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:33,613 The whole idea of marriage is a useless vestige of an archaic civilization. 312 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,866 - How would you know? - I watched one unravel. 313 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:40,870 Oh, so one example of a bad one makes them all bad? Hmm? 314 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:44,624 Marriage was nothing more than a legal exchange of women for property. 315 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:48,127 - Maybe you're being a little pessimistic. - Heh, it's just a piece of paper. 316 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,213 A birth certificate is just a piece of paper. 317 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,258 And money. Money is just a piece of paper. 318 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,428 - But those are pretty valuable. - True. 319 00:18:57,595 --> 00:19:00,306 Hey, Gloria steinem, enough of the blah-blah. 320 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,225 - Let's talk bachelorette party. - I got that covered. 321 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,019 - Oh, you better. - Mm-hm. 322 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,913 [In singsong voice] Because we gonna be doing it. 323 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,231 - What the...? Uh-huh. Mm-hm. - Single ladies, go on. 324 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,736 Woman: Feeling sick. Feeling tired. 325 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,865 Seeing more of my oncologist than I see of my whole family. 326 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:23,454 The hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that I can't fix this. 327 00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:26,082 I'm used to being the mom, you know? 328 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,877 The one who takes care of everyone and everything. 329 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,380 The fixer. 330 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,591 And this is breast cancer. 331 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,260 I can't fix this. 332 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:43,766 Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you. 333 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,476 That's gotta suck. 334 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,145 I mean, mine's in my balls. 335 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,773 So they've got a reason to be pissed. 336 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:54,610 Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole. 337 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:59,365 There's no good way to sit, no underwear that's been devised... 338 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,368 To hold them effectively in place. 339 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,371 They're a bizarre appendage. An afterthought. 340 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:09,291 Which is why I don't believe in intelligent design. 341 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,502 There is no god. 342 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,964 We're all gonna die. 343 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,178 Why do I have to do it? 344 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,848 You're the only one young enough to be an altar boy. 345 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,559 - We'll stop before anything goes down. - Or anyone. 346 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:27,977 [Both chuckle] 347 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,564 [Knocks on door] 348 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,316 The Gallagher boys. 349 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,069 If you're here to steal the basket, you're out of luck. 350 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,821 Already off to the bank. 351 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:42,908 No, Carl here is interested in being an altar boy. 352 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,370 - That's a big responsibility. - Yeah. We tried talking him out of it. 353 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:49,165 But he cried, so we thought we'd bring him in. 354 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,667 See if you thought he had what it takes. 355 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,210 Hello there, Carl. 356 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,714 Be back for you in a bit, bud. 357 00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,804 - Ian: Whew. - Wanna watch scarface again tonight? 358 00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,015 Can't, got a date. 359 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,517 Ooh. Mandy date or Kash date? 360 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,355 You're a slut, man. 361 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:14,690 [Carl grunts] 362 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,233 Shit. 363 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,362 [Scoffs] 364 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:22,007 Looks like we have a priest for v's wedding. 365 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,032 [Father Pete groans] 366 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,202 - Fake priest? - No, no. Priest is real. 367 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,537 We're just not gonna file the license. 368 00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,873 Immoral, don't you think? Lying to god's face. 369 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,583 - Really, Mr. Morality. - Hmm. 370 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,419 - Whose car is this? - Not like I have a priest in the back. 371 00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:38,589 - Are you still picking up the cake? - Angelica's bakery. 372 00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:42,635 Can kev and v use this car for their big exit after the reception? 373 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,722 Yeah, think that could work. I just... I need it back right after. 374 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,641 - Okay. - Can't do anything bad to it. 375 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,392 And no sex in it. 376 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,645 No sex in it? 377 00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:57,858 I just need this thing in perfect condition. All right, Fiona. I just... 378 00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,151 [Tires squealing] 379 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,402 Whoa, whoa! 380 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:01,612 [Siren wailing] 381 00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:03,089 - Steve: Oh, damn it. Damn it! - Jesus. 382 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:04,740 Relax. Relax. It happens. 383 00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,451 - Okay? - Yeah, what happens, prison time? 384 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:17,419 [Indistinct police radio chatter] 385 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,255 Tony: Hey. 386 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:22,591 - Fiona, I thought that was you. - Your uniform looks different. 387 00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:25,261 Yeah, they issued new coats. 388 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,680 See you at kev and Veronica's wedding tomorrow? 389 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:32,434 - I need your license and registration. - What? Why? 390 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:34,603 Officer, sir. 391 00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,188 You were doing 35 in a 25. 392 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,190 There was some swerving, kind of weird. 393 00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,943 Here's my license, but I don't have the registration. 394 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,319 It's my friend's car. 395 00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:45,447 You really are supposed to have that on you at all times. 396 00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,700 Lemme see what I can do. I'll be right back. 397 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:50,160 Okay. Why did you give him your license? 398 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,663 - That's not my real license. - So now what? Run? 399 00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,665 No, that never works. 400 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,794 Jesus, you got me? Yeah, thanks, buddy. 401 00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:01,046 - Who's Jesus? - Follow car. 402 00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:02,631 Always use a follow car. 403 00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,800 [Gunshots] 404 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:10,890 [Siren wailing] 405 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,022 Watch your speed. See you at the wedding, fi. 406 00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:20,691 - Okay! - Out. 407 00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:22,526 - What? - Get out. 408 00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:28,991 What about the car? 409 00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:31,493 Taken care of. 410 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,830 [Both laughing] 411 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:42,421 - My heart's in my throat right now. - That's adrenaline. Kind of cool isn't it? 412 00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:54,391 [Car horn honks] 413 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:56,352 - I'll see you at the wedding. - What? 414 00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:59,355 - Angelica's bakery, right? - Yeah. Right. 415 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:05,194 Frank: I've decided to start wearing a tie every day. 416 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:08,280 I could die at any moment. 417 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:13,202 I thought it'd be nice to look my best for the grim reaper. 418 00:24:13,369 --> 00:24:15,871 Son of a bitch. 419 00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:20,459 You know what? Fuck him. 420 00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:25,714 Why give him the satisfaction? I'll do it myself. 421 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:28,801 Take my own goddamn life. 422 00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:32,221 You know... 423 00:24:32,388 --> 00:24:34,431 You know what the real shame of it is, kev? 424 00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,058 The real shame... 425 00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:41,438 Is there are so many things I still want to do. 426 00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:43,232 Oh, yeah, like what? 427 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:49,321 Jesus Christ, I don't know. 428 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,990 I don't know. 429 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:55,160 How sad is that? A man doesn't even know what he wants to do. 430 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:56,370 Man: Woo-hoo-hoo! 431 00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:58,831 - Hey, buddy. - Kevin: What's going on? 432 00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,917 - What's this? - You gotta wear it tonight... 433 00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:04,461 For the bachelor party. Everyone's gonna wear one. 434 00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:07,131 - Andy, get the fuck out... - Don't be a dick, dude. 435 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:09,800 - Fucking wear it. - Frank: Bachelor party? 436 00:25:10,801 --> 00:25:13,429 Yeah, if you wanna go, you can come. 437 00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:15,681 What's the plan? 438 00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:18,642 Uh, me and my friends are gonna get wasted and do stupid shit. 439 00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:21,270 But we gotta get you one of these. 440 00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:23,605 [Frank chuckles] 441 00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:25,733 Awesome. 442 00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:30,029 Ian: Is the blindfold for surprise or so I don't know where you live? 443 00:25:30,237 --> 00:25:32,239 Kash: Little of both. Ian: Ooh. 444 00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:34,575 [Ian chuckles] 445 00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:40,289 Ian: Oh. 446 00:25:44,126 --> 00:25:47,046 Wow, yeah. This is your house. 447 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:49,214 Where you live with Linda. 448 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:52,509 - And the kids. - Right now, it's our house. 449 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:18,494 - What's wrong? - Sorry, it's just... it's too weird. 450 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,080 - What is? - All of your shit, it's... 451 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,416 It's freaking me out. And it smells like goats in here. 452 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:26,794 Ian, wait. 453 00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:48,065 Veronica: Why would she do it in the first place? 454 00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:49,691 Because she could. 455 00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:53,195 She was, like, one of those weird Chinese acrobats. 456 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:55,906 No, those girls are all tiny and cute when they do it. 457 00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:58,534 She was like pippi longstocking kissing her own ass. 458 00:26:58,700 --> 00:26:59,785 [Both laughing] 459 00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:03,872 - Jesus. - Dad, what the hell happened to you? 460 00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:07,376 Cord was too long. I got three nuts. 461 00:27:07,543 --> 00:27:09,461 Gonna die. 462 00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:13,507 [Veronica & Fiona laughing] 463 00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,018 [Kevin sighs] 464 00:27:53,005 --> 00:27:54,590 [Glass breaks] 465 00:27:58,177 --> 00:27:59,761 [Creaking] 466 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:06,852 [Screams] 467 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:09,021 [Both grunting] 468 00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:15,861 - Marty? - Surprise, heh. 469 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,697 I'm maid of honor and I didn't know you had a brother. 470 00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:21,533 - There's a reason for that. - He busted out of prison? 471 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:23,619 - Last night. - What was he in for? 472 00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:27,831 - Aggravated assault, larceny and arson. - Arson? Who you talking about? 473 00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,166 V's brother. 474 00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:33,003 Oh, is that, like, a sibling brother, or just a black-guy brother? 475 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:35,797 Remember the fire at curves in the mall? That was him. 476 00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:38,634 He loves setting fire to things and he hates women. 477 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,636 - It was the perfect storm. - He's nuts. 478 00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:44,306 Serious, he's nuts. He came at me. I had to fight my ass off. 479 00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:47,142 Then one time I'm having a brew, he came up to me, all: 480 00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:50,145 - "Ass cunt fuck!" On me. - Is he retarded? 481 00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:53,732 I wish. Tourette's coupled with bipolar disorder and a drinking problem. 482 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,984 He's a shrink's wet dream. 483 00:28:56,485 --> 00:28:59,321 - What are we gonna do? - Kick his ass back to prison. 484 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:03,575 If there's one person you can always count on to fuck things up, it's Marty. 485 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,536 - Bungee jumping, eh? - From the I tracks. 486 00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:10,374 Good news/bad: Your biopsy results came back negative. 487 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:14,002 Tumor was benign, so you're not gonna die of testicular cancer. 488 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:19,049 Oh, thank god. So I can keep it? 489 00:29:19,216 --> 00:29:21,426 Yeah, but the swelling on your brain... 490 00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:24,846 You probably got going on in there might end up doing you in. 491 00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:26,556 - What? - I'm fucking with you. 492 00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:29,226 Bump looks pretty superficial. 493 00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:32,229 If you vomit more than twice, have any seizures... 494 00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:35,107 Or experience memory loss, call 911. 495 00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:40,862 Well, what if I vomit while I'm having a seizure, and have no memory of it? 496 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,322 Tree in the forest, my friend. 497 00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:43,699 [Chuckles] 498 00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:45,492 What? 499 00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:51,999 You know you can't stay, Marty. You gotta go back to prison. 500 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:55,919 Ron, it's bullshit security. They practically give you your own key. 501 00:29:56,086 --> 00:29:58,588 Aren't you risking parole? How long do you have left? 502 00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:00,590 Eighteen... cocksucker! Months. 503 00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,927 - Jesus, Marty. That's no time at all. - It's your wedding day, Ron. 504 00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:08,098 Why don't you turn yourself in? Tell them it was a mistake. Blame the tourette's. 505 00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:11,310 Tell them it won't happen again. You know it's for the best. 506 00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:13,061 Faggofl 507 00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:16,398 we'll have you back before they even know you left. 508 00:30:16,565 --> 00:30:18,108 I'm not going back, Ron. 509 00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:22,904 It's your wedding. I'm not gonna miss your... shit-pisser! Wedding day. 510 00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:32,164 This is the dress... 511 00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:35,292 That I will wear this afternoon. 512 00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:39,338 And it will protect me... 513 00:30:39,546 --> 00:30:41,757 Like this house protects me. 514 00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:45,052 This is the dress. 515 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,929 And today is the day. 516 00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:50,766 And the day is good. 517 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,685 You look nice. Where are you pretending to go? 518 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:56,772 I'm going to a wedding today. 519 00:30:57,314 --> 00:30:59,816 I am really gonna do it this time. 520 00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:03,278 And it's supposed to be a beautiful day today. 521 00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:07,699 Beautiful and safe and sunny. 522 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:13,288 The sun's just a burning ball of fire that could plunge from the sky at any time. 523 00:31:18,627 --> 00:31:20,337 Maybe we should just let him come. 524 00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:23,048 No way, I'm not having that nutcase at my wedding. 525 00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:25,842 Can you imagine the service? "Do you, Veronica... 526 00:31:26,009 --> 00:31:28,553 Fucking bitch! Fisher, take this man... 527 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,805 [Fiona chuckles] 528 00:31:29,971 --> 00:31:31,973 Fucks dick! Kevin ball?" 529 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:33,266 Uh-uh, no. 530 00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:34,911 I'm taking him to prison where he belongs... 531 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,728 If I gotta drag his ass back there myself. 532 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:39,815 Kevin: Always happens when he's off his meds. 533 00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:44,611 - Give me your dress so I can steam it. - Behind the door. 534 00:31:44,945 --> 00:31:46,405 [All chuckle] 535 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:51,326 - Nope. - The bathroom door. 536 00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:53,995 Marty: It's a real pretty dress, roni. 537 00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:58,291 It'll burn nicely with all this taffeta. 538 00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:01,628 Kevin: Oh, Jesus. 539 00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,130 You send me back to jail... 540 00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:06,466 This dress goes up, this house goes up, we all go up! 541 00:32:07,968 --> 00:32:09,636 Marty? 542 00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:11,638 Marty, open the door. 543 00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:13,640 Open the goddamn door. 544 00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:16,309 You're not getting married without me. 545 00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:25,527 He's not doing anything. Just sitting in there. Lighting a lighter. 546 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:28,613 Oh, my god, this is what he did at granddaddy's funeral. 547 00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:31,241 - Gutted half the hospice. - We should call the cops. 548 00:32:31,408 --> 00:32:34,202 If the house goes up we're not gonna get him out. 549 00:32:34,369 --> 00:32:35,871 Call the cops on my own brother? 550 00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:38,957 It's always like this. Nobody can be the center of attention. 551 00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:42,043 It's always gotta be about him. You should be in a nuthouse! 552 00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:45,255 - Lip: What's going on? - Veronica's brother is threatening... 553 00:32:45,422 --> 00:32:47,466 - To burn the place down. - Cool. 554 00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:52,137 He's saying that he's gonna light the dress and the shit-sack house on fire. 555 00:32:52,345 --> 00:32:54,222 What's a shit-sack? 556 00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:59,060 All I wanted was to own my own home. Maybe some small kitchen appliances. 557 00:32:59,227 --> 00:33:01,396 For you, for me. For our home. 558 00:33:01,563 --> 00:33:04,941 - Maybe some kids someday. - I thought you didn't want any kids. 559 00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:07,402 - Based on what? - Saying how much you hate them. 560 00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:09,237 Uh, yeah, other people's. 561 00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:12,115 But I might not mind having a baby kev running round. 562 00:33:12,282 --> 00:33:13,950 A little tomorrow person? 563 00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:15,952 What? 564 00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:19,247 That's what I call little mixed-race babies. Tomorrow people. 565 00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:21,917 Little people of tomorrow. 566 00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,920 What are we gonna do? 567 00:33:25,086 --> 00:33:27,756 - Maybe we should just call it off. - No! Not a chance. 568 00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:29,925 Baby, listen, this is our time. 569 00:33:30,091 --> 00:33:33,803 We're gonna get fake married, and nothing's gonna stop us. 570 00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:41,978 - Tomorrow people? - Tomorrow people. 571 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:49,110 Can you sign in for me at detention today? 572 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,488 Mrs. Pinder won't notice, she's almost blind. 573 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,031 You ditching? 574 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,534 Kash has something planned. 575 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,452 I thought that was last night. 576 00:33:57,619 --> 00:34:00,664 Was supposed to be, but, uh, he took me to his place... 577 00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:02,457 And it sort of freaked me out. 578 00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:07,295 I mean, I always knew he had a wife and a life and everything, but seeing it... 579 00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,838 And smelling it... 580 00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:11,800 I mean, his life actually has an odor. 581 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:17,847 What was that for? 582 00:34:18,014 --> 00:34:20,850 I just felt like kissing my boyfriend. 583 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,688 Have fun fucking Kash. 584 00:34:33,029 --> 00:34:34,322 [Flame whooshing] 585 00:34:37,450 --> 00:34:39,369 Remember when we were little? 586 00:34:39,536 --> 00:34:43,123 And you'd always tag along with me wherever I went? 587 00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:46,543 I always looked after you, didn't I, Marty? 588 00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:49,462 And you know why? 589 00:34:49,963 --> 00:34:52,007 Because I'm your big little sister. 590 00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:55,760 And I didn't want you to get in trouble, because I love you. 591 00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,680 That's why I want you to go back to prison. 592 00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,602 Do you know what? 593 00:35:04,144 --> 00:35:07,355 I've been thinking about my wedding, and you know something? 594 00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:09,357 You were right. 595 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:13,236 Because my wedding day wouldn't be my wedding day... 596 00:35:13,403 --> 00:35:15,655 Without my little big brother there. 597 00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:24,372 In fact, I'd like you to be the one to give me away. 598 00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:27,959 Marty? 599 00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:38,011 - You mean it? - Cross my heart. 600 00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,929 Come here, you little nut. 601 00:35:40,513 --> 00:35:42,098 [Marty chuckles] 602 00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:44,059 [Screams] 603 00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:49,314 Bitches! You bitches lied to me. 604 00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:53,735 I'm gonna burn down your... Cock-sucking, cock-fucking... 605 00:35:57,322 --> 00:35:59,324 [Humming "bridal chorus"] 606 00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:10,251 Damn. That shit does dry fast. 607 00:36:10,418 --> 00:36:12,420 [Both laugh] 608 00:36:18,468 --> 00:36:19,594 [Door opens] 609 00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:23,848 Lip. My boy. 610 00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:28,103 - My oldest boy. - Yeah, here to pick up Karen. 611 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:32,023 - What's with the vest? - Sheils made it. 612 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:35,694 Lip: Wow. Look at you. 613 00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:37,612 - You look beautiful. - Thanks. 614 00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:39,030 Hi, lip. Lip: Hi. 615 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,990 Does my head look bigger? 616 00:36:43,326 --> 00:36:46,996 - I don't think it can get any bigger, dad. - I have to keep an eye on it. 617 00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:50,291 - Watch for memory loss and vomit. - More so than usual? 618 00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:51,835 Know what? 619 00:36:52,001 --> 00:36:54,379 - I have a second chance at life. - Mm-hm. 620 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:58,049 I'm not gonna surround myself with negative energy. 621 00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:02,303 How about you just show up at this wedding and do what you do best: 622 00:37:02,470 --> 00:37:04,764 Drink free booze and look happy. 623 00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:07,642 - Yes? - Heh. 624 00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:11,104 All right, frank. I am ready. 625 00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:12,355 You're coming, mom? 626 00:37:12,522 --> 00:37:13,857 [Mouths] She's not going anywhere. 627 00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:15,233 Yes, I'm coming. 628 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,529 I've got my purse, and my gift, and my gloves. 629 00:37:19,696 --> 00:37:23,074 And my selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. 630 00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:25,910 And my monoamine oxidase inhibitor. 631 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:29,372 And I have my anti-anxiety disco biscuits. 632 00:37:29,539 --> 00:37:34,753 And I am ready to go. I am really ready. 633 00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:54,981 I'll just get you a piece of cake, mom. 634 00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:06,534 That would just be... 635 00:38:07,660 --> 00:38:09,037 Wonderful, sweetheart. 636 00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,332 There's just so much I've gotta get done here. 637 00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,223 Ah, that bitch. 638 00:38:28,389 --> 00:38:32,227 What kind of cock-suck does this to her brother? 639 00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:38,691 [Cackling] 640 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,110 [Grunting] 641 00:38:44,614 --> 00:38:47,116 May daily problems never cause you undue anxiety... 642 00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:50,829 Nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate your lives. 643 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:55,333 But may your hearts' first desire be always the good things... 644 00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,919 Waiting for you in the life of heaven. 645 00:38:58,086 --> 00:39:00,255 -Amen. All: Amen! 646 00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:02,757 - Father Pete: You may kiss the bride. - Woo-hoo! 647 00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:04,509 [All cheering & applauding] 648 00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:12,016 Oh, yes! 649 00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:16,771 [Over speakers] It's on tonight ride that thing like a motorbike 650 00:39:16,938 --> 00:39:18,439 get it out! 651 00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:19,966 We could get it on the dance floor 652 00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:22,944 [people cheering & chattering] 653 00:39:23,111 --> 00:39:24,612 [Man talking indistinctly] 654 00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:28,658 [All whooping] 655 00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:30,451 Kevin: What's going on? 656 00:39:30,618 --> 00:39:31,870 Get some, father! 657 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,788 [Talking indistinctly] 658 00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:38,877 [People cheering] 659 00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:41,170 Carl: Come on, dad, work it. 660 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,965 All: Go Liam! Go Liam! Go Liam! 661 00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:46,593 Say what you gotta say 662 00:39:46,759 --> 00:39:49,345 take it down, take it down. 663 00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:54,309 Take me away say what you gotta say 664 00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:57,604 [all cheering] 665 00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,814 Oh! 666 00:40:00,815 --> 00:40:03,318 If I was out of your reach would you jump for it 667 00:40:03,484 --> 00:40:05,570 [spoon tapping on glass] 668 00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:09,490 If I was out of your reach would you jump for it 669 00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:10,992 [music stops] 670 00:40:11,159 --> 00:40:14,162 Uh... folks, let's face facts. 671 00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:18,041 When it comes to good things, most of them come in pairs. 672 00:40:18,207 --> 00:40:22,921 Like your favorite jeans, new socks, and Kevin and Veronica. 673 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:24,130 Man: 674 00:40:24,297 --> 00:40:27,508 And as it turns out, most people's testicles. 675 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:31,554 So here's to the happy couple. 676 00:40:31,721 --> 00:40:35,516 Kevin, Veronica, may you always only have... 677 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,145 Two testicles between you. L'Chaim! 678 00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:40,813 [All cheering & applauding] 679 00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:43,316 [Music resumes] 680 00:40:43,858 --> 00:40:46,694 Oh. Oh, sweetheart. 681 00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:50,365 May the good lord watch over you in your new home. 682 00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:54,035 - Oh, thank you, momma. - Thank you. 683 00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:58,581 Say it like you mean it, boy say it like you want it 684 00:40:58,748 --> 00:41:01,709 five hundred dollars? Are you fucking kidding me? 685 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:05,004 [Laughing] 686 00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:07,590 We're getting a Barbie house, baby. 687 00:41:09,050 --> 00:41:12,720 Maybe you're making yourself too available? 688 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:13,930 You think? 689 00:41:14,097 --> 00:41:16,933 Hey, lady friend, where the hell is my cake? 690 00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:20,603 Steve is supposed to be here with the damn thing. 691 00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:22,814 That's the trouble with the exciting ones. 692 00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:25,817 The unpredictability is what makes them so exciting. 693 00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:29,737 But it's also what makes them so damned unpredictable. 694 00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:33,449 He may not be Steve, but he's here. 695 00:41:38,371 --> 00:41:40,498 -Hi. 696 00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,583 Do you wanna dance? 697 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:46,337 - The Bible is the word of god. - How can it be the word of god... 698 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:49,924 - If it was re-written by king James? - Passed down from generation... 699 00:41:50,091 --> 00:41:52,927 - To generation! - Uh-uh-uh! It doesn't make any sense! 700 00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:57,765 Aw. This was really a perfect day. 701 00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:01,436 I only wish little Marty could have been here. 702 00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:11,612 [Tires screeching] 703 00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:18,953 [Woman laughs] 704 00:42:32,967 --> 00:42:35,803 You're late, Dr. Sherman. 705 00:42:35,970 --> 00:42:37,972 [Panting] 706 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:47,565 [Both chuckle] 707 00:42:47,732 --> 00:42:49,734 I can't... 708 00:42:51,194 --> 00:42:55,907 Okay, gallaghers, you're the only family I got, so let's put this on film. 709 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,076 [Camera beeping] 710 00:42:59,035 --> 00:43:00,244 - Wait. Wait. - Is it on? 711 00:43:00,453 --> 00:43:03,331 - It's on, it's on. Wait. - Did it go? 712 00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:05,500 All: 713 00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:08,920 Again, set it up again. Here we go. Ready? 714 00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:10,254 - Fiona: Okay. - Let's go. 715 00:43:10,421 --> 00:43:11,881 [Camera beeping] 716 00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:13,257 [Ian chuckles] 717 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,718 - Wait, where's lip? - Where...? Oh. 718 00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:17,512 Karen [moaning]: Yeah. 719 00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:19,555 Oh, yeah. 720 00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:22,266 Oh, yeah. Give it to me. Oh, yeah. 721 00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:26,604 Oh, yeah. Yeah! Oh, yeah! Give it to me! 722 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,356 - Want me to give it to you? - Yes. 723 00:43:29,023 --> 00:43:31,234 Marty: Yeah, she said she wants you to give it to her. 724 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,403 So just give it to her already! Okay? 725 00:43:34,570 --> 00:43:36,030 Cock and balls! 726 00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:38,032 [Laughing] 727 00:43:57,552 --> 00:44:00,888 Sheila: It really was like a fairy tale. 728 00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,475 [Crowd cheering on TV] 729 00:44:06,394 --> 00:44:08,813 And she was a real Princess. 730 00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:12,275 Yeah, well, she's dead now. 731 00:44:12,441 --> 00:44:15,278 How's that for happily ever after? 732 00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:22,118 Asshole. 733 00:44:47,351 --> 00:44:49,353 [English - us - sdh]